Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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