It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
