The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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