come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you would pick up someone in the library
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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