We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
