Plan B is the new Plan A
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
