Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
