you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
