I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
