I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
