i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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