And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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