she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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