i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
