He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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