Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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