peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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