I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
