Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
