guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
