Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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