Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
