I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
