So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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