I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
