So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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