Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
