I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
