I want to walk on stilts...naked
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
