I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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