So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
