So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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