I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
