Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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