You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
