I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
