The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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