my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
