i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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