I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
