Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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