I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He kissed a someone with a penis
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
