i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
