Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
