He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
