Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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