the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
