so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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