I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
