I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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