gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
