DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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