Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They took my balls.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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