Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
