goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Watching her eat just hurts me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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