I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
