Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
